I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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