Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This girl is more easily done than said...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
