you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
this boner is exhausting
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
