Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
