The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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