walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
