I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
