She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
