i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
