Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
