a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
