why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
