I think I am morally bankrupt
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
