so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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