you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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