my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
