I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
