question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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