he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
