You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
