Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
