I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
