i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
