NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
