Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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