it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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