8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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