FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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