he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
