Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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