Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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