I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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