McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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