Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's blow job season.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
