I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
