Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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