Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
