I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
