Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
