He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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