those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize