Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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