Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize