my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
