he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
