Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I AM VODKA MAN
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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