Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize