I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
