Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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