I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
