we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize