Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
