I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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