I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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