pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
