He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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