i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
time to smoke my breakfast
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
