I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
