Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
