I wish I could punch you in the face.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
