If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
