i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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