How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
