Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
