I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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