It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If that was your dad, he is hot
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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